On my Mind

Things have been going better. I am surprised by how well we are doing actually. I know that it is because we have God in our lives and that He gave us Brianna. I will wake up in the morning kinda down and when she wakes up and I see her smile I cheer up. I know there are still going to be bad days but for the most part we are doing pretty well. Today was one of those bad days. I don't know if it was because of the dreary weather, because I did not sleep well or if it was just one of those days but I have been in a funk all day long.
One thing that has been on my mind is the "coincidences" between this pregnancy and Brianna's. We found out we were pregnant with Brianna and this baby two years apart. The due dates were one day apart; Brianna was due November 30th and this baby December 1st. We had also just got back from out of town when we found out we were pregnant both times.
April is not a good month for us to be pregnant. On April 1st it had been 7 years since our third loss. We lost our fifth baby at the end of April (the 28th?) almost six years ago. I know I shouldn't think like that, but half of our miscarriages have occurred during April. The others happened in December 2000, November 2001 and September 2002.
Our first doctor's appointment would have been next Friday. Maybe my thoughts have something to do with that. We have been praying for answers as to why this happened but we know that we may never know. We are so thankful that the miscarriage happened the way it did and also that Brianna is too little to know what is going on. I have been making sure to enjoy even the smallest things that Brianna does and to appreciate even her bad days. Today was a challenge because every time I put her in her car seat she fought me but instead of getting aggravated I just worked with her. I guess I am getting a little more laid back. Maybe part of the answer is that we forgot what a blessing she is. Anybody who has had a toddler knows how trying they can be. I know that in the chaos and frustration in dealing with her budding personality I forgot how long we waited for her. I have definitely developed a more deeply grounded appreciation for her.