my life took a change of direction I had never intended. We were a year into the adoption process and had a meeting scheduled to meet a potential birth mother. We had an Encounter Service the Friday before this meeting and we went to pray about the meeting and for the young mother. In the middle of the prayer Pastor Aaron started praying in a different direction and was being very intense. We did not know what was happening but we could tell something big was happening. On that Monday, we started heading up to Indy to meet the birth mother. We were anxious but trying to enjoy the trip. We happened to notice the compass in our dash said we were heading South which was obviously not the case. We pulled off the road and try to reset it. It worked and we continued on our way. A few minutes down the road though and it said South again. We figured something must be wrong with it and we would have to get it looked at when we got home. We were about 30 minutes south of Indy and our adoption agency called and said the birth mother did not want to meet that day. We were obviously upset. We turned around and headed home. By the way, after we turned around the compass still said we were heading South.
In November, we meet Pastor Aaron and Stacey for lunch. I was having a hard time dealing with the fact that after being active with the adoption agency for over year (they normally place with in a year). Also, November is not a very good month for me...I lost my Grandma, and an uncle, both of which I was very close to during this month. Our first baby died during November (it was not confirmed until December) and we found out our second baby had died in November. During the meeting, Pastor Aaron said he had something to tell us. He said that night when he was praying with God told him that we were going to have a child of our own! He said he didn't know what we were supposed to do about the adoption or if we would have any more miscarriages but that God intended for us to have a baby of our own. We prayed about it and felt that that was what God wanted us to do.
A few weeks later, we get a call about a potential placement. And a few days after that, they call us about another and better placement. It appeared that we were going to be getting a baby very soon! We started preparing for the arrival of our little boy. The day we were supposed to head to Indy to prepare for the baby's birth our agency called and said that the birth mother had changed her mind...we were not going to be getting a baby. We were devastated. I hurt as much as any of our miscarriages. After praying awhile about the adoption, we decided that God did not attend for us to adopt.
In March, we discovered that we were pregnant! We were obviously excited and nervous. The pregnancy was not easy for us. I enjoyed it immensely but we were always afraid. But God got us through and blessed us with a beautiful and perfectly healthy baby girl.
I am writing this because I often forget the little ways God was with us during our journey. I am often dumbfounded about the situation with the compass...He didn't want us to adopt and he was trying to tell us to turn around and head South, or home. I wish we would have been observant enough to pick up on it, but we were not. But I do think the next time my compass seems to be on the fritz, I will head the direction it is saying...God might be giving me directions!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Random Summer Pics
Here are the pictures I promised you a little while ago! I got caught up working on Brianna's scrapbook so now that it is up to date so I figured I better post some pics for everyone! Most are of Brianna enjoying summer or with one of her new milestones (sleeping in a big girl bed and potty training) but I had to slip in a few of my new van. Hey, I wouldn't be driving a van if I didn't have a little one, would I? Enjoy the pics!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Summer Happenings
I realized it has been awhile since I last posted, so I will try to give you an update on what has been happening in our family this summer.
First, for those of you who might not of read the last few posts, we had a miscarriage in early July. I ended up having to have a D&C which I had a much harder recovering from than normal. My doctor says it is because my body has been through so much. I hope things go better this month, because I ended up having severe cramps. I normally have bad to moderate cramping, but these were so bad that after taking three Pamprin (two at first, then one more two hours later) and half a Loratab (4.5 hrs after original dose of Pamprin) I still woke up through out the night in pain. Other than that, we are doing fairly well dealing with the loss. There are obviously times that are more difficult than others and we deal with those as the happen but for the most part life is back to normal.
At the same time of the miscarriage, Brianna decided she was ready to start potty training! Talk about bad timing for Mom & Dad! Sometimes she wants to sit on the potty, sometimes she doesn't. She normally goes potty in big potty about once a week. She is also pretty good at telling us right after she goes. So it is just a matter of getting her to recognize the urge before she actually goes. We are not pushing it. I realize she is still young but we are definitely encouraging her!
We also took off the front of her crib last week. She has showed no signs of trying to climb out of it but she was just too big to lift over the front anymore, at least for me who is a little on the short side. She is doing well! Sleeping through the night still and not getting up and getting into things or getting us! She hasn't even fallen out of bed yet, even though one night I re-positioned her because it looked like she might! She is growing up so quickly!
We bought a new van a few weeks ago! I love it! I know, most of you are thinking, "Didn't they just buy their van?" and the answer is yes. We had our Grand Caravan for about 18 months. We just did not like it. I will admit, that we are spoiled! Our car has tons of options on it. When we bought it we were not necessarily looking for a car with that many options, but it came with them. Our van had very few and it was just really hard to adjust, and trust me, I tried! So, we decided to see what we could do. We found a really good deal on a Toyota Sienna that was a year older, but had comparable miles and had everything we were looking for besides a DVD player and that wasn't a big deal. We really like it and it is nice not driving a Dodge for a change!
I joined the Praise Team at church a few weeks ago also! I was in choir in High School and loved it. I don't think that I am a very good/strong singer but it is something that brings me immense pleasure and that I find peace in, so it must be a gift that God has blessed me with. It is very odd for me though, because I don't like drawing attention to myself, I just like to blend in, and obviously, it is hard to do that while singing in a band (at least that is the way it feels to me).
Bobby & I celebrated our 10th Wedding Anniversary in June. I can't believe we have already been married that long! It really doesn't seem like it! We went to Nashville and stayed at the Opryland Hotel for the night! It was a lot of fun, but difficult to be away from Brianna for the first time! I am not saying that I did not enjoy myself though! It was a nice break! We had a delicious dinner, went to the Opry, and took a boat ride, then it was time to come home! We could not wait to get back to Brianna and I was counting the minutes until we made it home the whole trip back!
We enjoyed our trip so much that we decided last weekend to go for the day and check out Opry Mills! We did not get a chance to visit it while we were on our trip and we needed to go to some outlet stores to get Brianna's fall/winter wardrobe so we decided to head there instead of Edinburgh. We decided that we like it better than Edinburgh since it is all indoors and it also has a Bass Pro shop which makes Bobby happy (hey, if he drives us all the there he should have at least one store he can enjoy!). So since it is about the same distance as Edinburgh we will probably start going there.
That is about all that has happened this summer since we took our vacation this spring. I will try to blog more often and get some pictures up soon!
First, for those of you who might not of read the last few posts, we had a miscarriage in early July. I ended up having to have a D&C which I had a much harder recovering from than normal. My doctor says it is because my body has been through so much. I hope things go better this month, because I ended up having severe cramps. I normally have bad to moderate cramping, but these were so bad that after taking three Pamprin (two at first, then one more two hours later) and half a Loratab (4.5 hrs after original dose of Pamprin) I still woke up through out the night in pain. Other than that, we are doing fairly well dealing with the loss. There are obviously times that are more difficult than others and we deal with those as the happen but for the most part life is back to normal.
At the same time of the miscarriage, Brianna decided she was ready to start potty training! Talk about bad timing for Mom & Dad! Sometimes she wants to sit on the potty, sometimes she doesn't. She normally goes potty in big potty about once a week. She is also pretty good at telling us right after she goes. So it is just a matter of getting her to recognize the urge before she actually goes. We are not pushing it. I realize she is still young but we are definitely encouraging her!
We also took off the front of her crib last week. She has showed no signs of trying to climb out of it but she was just too big to lift over the front anymore, at least for me who is a little on the short side. She is doing well! Sleeping through the night still and not getting up and getting into things or getting us! She hasn't even fallen out of bed yet, even though one night I re-positioned her because it looked like she might! She is growing up so quickly!
We bought a new van a few weeks ago! I love it! I know, most of you are thinking, "Didn't they just buy their van?" and the answer is yes. We had our Grand Caravan for about 18 months. We just did not like it. I will admit, that we are spoiled! Our car has tons of options on it. When we bought it we were not necessarily looking for a car with that many options, but it came with them. Our van had very few and it was just really hard to adjust, and trust me, I tried! So, we decided to see what we could do. We found a really good deal on a Toyota Sienna that was a year older, but had comparable miles and had everything we were looking for besides a DVD player and that wasn't a big deal. We really like it and it is nice not driving a Dodge for a change!
I joined the Praise Team at church a few weeks ago also! I was in choir in High School and loved it. I don't think that I am a very good/strong singer but it is something that brings me immense pleasure and that I find peace in, so it must be a gift that God has blessed me with. It is very odd for me though, because I don't like drawing attention to myself, I just like to blend in, and obviously, it is hard to do that while singing in a band (at least that is the way it feels to me).
Bobby & I celebrated our 10th Wedding Anniversary in June. I can't believe we have already been married that long! It really doesn't seem like it! We went to Nashville and stayed at the Opryland Hotel for the night! It was a lot of fun, but difficult to be away from Brianna for the first time! I am not saying that I did not enjoy myself though! It was a nice break! We had a delicious dinner, went to the Opry, and took a boat ride, then it was time to come home! We could not wait to get back to Brianna and I was counting the minutes until we made it home the whole trip back!
We enjoyed our trip so much that we decided last weekend to go for the day and check out Opry Mills! We did not get a chance to visit it while we were on our trip and we needed to go to some outlet stores to get Brianna's fall/winter wardrobe so we decided to head there instead of Edinburgh. We decided that we like it better than Edinburgh since it is all indoors and it also has a Bass Pro shop which makes Bobby happy (hey, if he drives us all the there he should have at least one store he can enjoy!). So since it is about the same distance as Edinburgh we will probably start going there.
That is about all that has happened this summer since we took our vacation this spring. I will try to blog more often and get some pictures up soon!
Monday, July 27, 2009
Happenings
The last few weeks have been...well, difficult? I ended up having complications from the surgery so I had to go back to the doctor the Tuesday afterwards for an ultrasound to see what was going on. The doctor was not sure what was happening; either an infection (although the ultrasound did not show any signs of one) or my body was just reacting adversely due to the number of times I have had a D&C.
Emotionally/Spiritually, I have had a hard time also. I feel like I have taken this loss harder than I have taken one in a long time, including the last two I had before having Brianna. Maybe because it has been so long since I have had to go through this. Things were really bad the week after the surgery. I just didn't care. I functioned...barely. I was depressed and just figured that it was because I was grieving and my body was adjusting to no longer being pregnant. It took a few days to realize that I was just making excuses. After I made that realization and starting talking about the miscarriage that helped.
I still have a long way to come to get back to where I was before. I realized that I starting putting up walls in my heart when we had the first ultrasound that showed the baby was not growing right. I am still trying to knock those walls down...it has not been easy. I feel God let me down. My brain knows that He has a reason for all of this, my heart just wants my baby back. I am fighting daily to restore my relationship with God, but it is a struggle.
We have decided to take a break from trying to have another baby. Two miscarriages in less than 4 months is a little much. We want to make sure we/I am healed physically/mentally/spiritually before we consider it again. We also want to make sure that we want to risk another loss. We have been blessed with Brianna, and as much as I would love to have another baby, I cannot see putting ourselves and Brianna through this anymore.
Thanks everyone for your thoughts and prayers. Knowing that you have been praying for me when I couldn't brings such a sense of comfort. Please continue praying for my complete healing and an even stronger relationship with our Father.
Emotionally/Spiritually, I have had a hard time also. I feel like I have taken this loss harder than I have taken one in a long time, including the last two I had before having Brianna. Maybe because it has been so long since I have had to go through this. Things were really bad the week after the surgery. I just didn't care. I functioned...barely. I was depressed and just figured that it was because I was grieving and my body was adjusting to no longer being pregnant. It took a few days to realize that I was just making excuses. After I made that realization and starting talking about the miscarriage that helped.
I still have a long way to come to get back to where I was before. I realized that I starting putting up walls in my heart when we had the first ultrasound that showed the baby was not growing right. I am still trying to knock those walls down...it has not been easy. I feel God let me down. My brain knows that He has a reason for all of this, my heart just wants my baby back. I am fighting daily to restore my relationship with God, but it is a struggle.
We have decided to take a break from trying to have another baby. Two miscarriages in less than 4 months is a little much. We want to make sure we/I am healed physically/mentally/spiritually before we consider it again. We also want to make sure that we want to risk another loss. We have been blessed with Brianna, and as much as I would love to have another baby, I cannot see putting ourselves and Brianna through this anymore.
Thanks everyone for your thoughts and prayers. Knowing that you have been praying for me when I couldn't brings such a sense of comfort. Please continue praying for my complete healing and an even stronger relationship with our Father.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Surgery
The surgery went well but I am still pretty wiped out. I actually slept most of the day yesterday, so I guess they gave me some pretty good drugs. The surgery itself only took 10 to 15 minutes. Actually, I don't remember ever feeling this worn out after a D&C, but my last one was 6 years ago, and unfortunately that means I am a bit older. The pros of having a D&C when you have a missed "abortion" (again, I don't know why they label a miscarriage an abortion, but they do)is that you don't have do deal with the severe cramps/contraction that you would if you waited it out and the bleeding is also significantly less. The cons are that is is more invasive. Besides from being worn out, I don't feel too bad except for my killer sore throat from having a breathing tube inserted for the surgery. Thanks for all the prayers, please keep them coming...I am having a lot of questions right now and dealing with a lot of confusion.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Another Angel
Just wanted to let everyone know that we lost the baby. It passed away a few weeks ago, probably shortly after my original ultrasound. The baby measured about the same as it did last time and did not have a heartbeat. Since my body does not normally miscarry naturally, I will have a D&C Friday morning. Thanks for all the prayers and please keep them coming.
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