Anniversary

Eight years ago today we found out we were expecting our first child. It also happened to be on a Friday. What a day to find out you are pregnant! While sitting at the doctor's office waiting to be seen by the OB/GYN after there was an abnormality found on an ultrasound I had done earlier in the day (before pregnancy was confirmed) due to abdominal pain. They suspected a tubal pregnancy. I heard the doctor's nurse calling down for the ultrasound and saying that I might have to have surgery. I knew I was not going to have surgery... I was pregnant and I wasn't going to allow anything to happen to that child! That is when I knew I was a Mom...I was putting my child above my needs. Two months and six days later on December 19th I did have surgery...our baby, which we named Corey, died at about 8 weeks gestation, and my body was not naturally miscarrying the baby. The next November we lost our second child, a little boy we named Zachary. In April we lost another baby we named Casey. Again in September we lost another baby we named Taylor. And in April we lost a little girl we named Hannah. All of these babies died between 6 and 8.5 weeks gestation. Just shy of the seventh anniversary of Corey's "death" Brianna was born. Since Corey died a month before we were aware of it, he actually died at the end of November. I have often wondered in the past almost eleven months, if Brianna was born on the day he died.
I still think about these babies...although I will admit that it is not near as often as I used to. It also doesn't hurt near a badly as it used to. And although I know those babies were never meant for this earth...I still miss them.
I am writing this not only because it is the eighth anniversary of finding out I was pregnant, but also because this is Pregnancy & Infant loss awareness month. Across the country this month there will be walks of remembrance in honor of babies that died far too soon. Far too often, parents of miscarried babies are not allowed to grieve. They are told to move on with their lives...there will be other children. For most this is true. Their next pregnancy will result in a beautiful & healthy baby, for some, like us, it may take several more losses before they finally hold a baby in their arms and for others the pain is far too great to keep trying when all they have experienced is multiple losses and/or many fertility treatments.
They next time you pray, say a prayer for these parents who are often hurting but are trying to move forward and put on brave face. Or if you know someone who has recently experienced a loss maybe let them know you thinking about them and are there for them if they need someone to talk to. I know they will appeciate it.
With many thanks, Penny